Friday, August 01, 2008

Direction-less?


Does this fungi have a purpose? Here it is hotter than blazes, 114 yesterday, and in the garden I spotted this crop of fungi happily growing. There is absolutely no reason why this plant exists; it isn't edible or especially decorative, though, I was captivated enough by it to photograph it, so why grow? Pain has kept me awake for too many nights again and when that happens my mind wanders into dangerous territory. Was it impulse buying that brought on a frenzied need to buy an embellisher and new sewing machine at the International Quilt Festival, or, is there a yet-to-be-determined need that led me to these two machines? I don't seem to have a direction, there is a glimmer of a few possibilities such as redoing my wardrobe and enhancing/embellishing tired shirts and giving them new life, and I'll be needing tote bags to carry groceries home in, but outside of that I don't have a plan or direction regarding all of the experimenting I've been doing or likely to do once the machines arrive. So, why in the world do I keep experimenting with new to me processes and techniques? Without something to create I know that I would fall into a deep depression so maybe that's reason enough to continue to follow the journey I seem to be on. But then, what do I do with all of the things I create? I can't imagine that there is a need/market for anything I enjoy creating regarding painting abstracts, felting or working with fabric and how many swaps can a person do? I love receiving trades and surprises in the mail but after a while they end up out-of-sight when something new comes along. How many of us enjoy the process and don't care whether the end result is usable or necessary? How many of us continue to try the latest making-the-rounds technique rather than ask ourselves, is this something I can use in my work or do I simply want to be part of the in-crowd that is exploring a particular process like Kool-aid dyeing? Or, is it my mood that is questioning everything right now? I have a feeling that I'm just rambling while attempting to find a reason to continue creating . . . Isn't just being interested or curious enough of a reason? Probably.

Quotes: It is art that makes life, makes interest, makes importance and I know of no substitute whatever for the force and beauty of its process. Max Eastman


In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility. Eleanor Roosevelt

3 comments:

Julie said...

I recognise where you're coming from. I too have bought both a sewing machine and an embellisher in the last year with no clue to where I am going with them. I do not make clothes or home furnishings or much else. I am following 56000 different avenues and haven't a clue what I will do with all the stuff I am making but it's a great journey! And I couldn't stop creating if I tried :) I just have the odd few days when I wonder what it's all about and then off I go again.

Sorry to hear you are in pain at the moment. I hope it subsides to a manageable level soon.

Doreen K. said...

Ditto on what Julie said. It is the pain that is affecting your mood. I too have 2 new machines. Sometimes I think I have to make something to sell to justify the expense of my supplys. But I finally decided no, all my art stuff is for my enjoyment, growth in learning new things etc. I am retired and it is my time to play.
I love your blog, you are very talented. Love your hand made paper with rust, the cirque du soleil series and the blue lagoon colors are awesome. I always check you blog to see what new exciting thing you have come up with. Wish I could have met you at Long Beach. All the stuff I bought at LB is just sitting in my room right now cause my mood is a little off too right now. Hang in there.

Liz said...

It's not the destination, it's the journey. I, too, stop once in awhile to wonder if there should be a "purpose" for what I do. Family is always asking what is it for. But we create because we must. Hang in there, I think the drought periods must be part of the process too.